Post natal priorities - putting mum first!

In this episode, Sarah chats with Charlotte Lawson, a sustainable success coach, who shares insights on postpartum recovery, managing high standards as a new mother, and the importance of self-care during the fourth trimester. 

The conversation emphasises practical strategies for mental and physical health, lowering unrealistic expectations, and supporting new mothers.

Sarah and Charlotte also discuss the importance of a wide support network, from lactation advice, mental health support, pelvic health and other topics.

To find out more about Charlotte, visit www.charlottelawson.co.uk, and for her free workbook, click here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wUblgNNEp38jNnKuLPPvsYyq9bM-IZWMv8nKuYYwQyQ/edit?usp=sharing

• Charlotte Lawson's Website
• Talking Therapies NHS Service
• Pelvic Health Physiotherapy - Emma Claire Physiotherapy
• Breastfeeding Support - Local Lactation Consultants
• Stress Management Workbook - Personal Stress System

Chapter markers 

00:00
Introduction to the Fourth Trimester

02:31
The Reality of Motherhood vs Expectations

06:51
The Impact of Social Media on Postpartum Experiences

11:27
Self-Compassion and Lowering Standards

13:40
Accessing Help for Postpartum Recovery

17:11
Practical Support for New Mothers

20:58
Reframing Exercise Postpartum

24:10
Restoring Core Strength and Pelvic Health

26:04
The Importance of Support in Breastfeeding

28:27
Navigating Feeding Challenges and Seeking Help

30:49
Prioritizing Self-Care as a New Parent

36:03
Finding Balance: Putting Yourself First

40:57
Resources for Managing Stress and Seeking Support

For more about the training and support Sarah offers, visit www.sarahbolitho.com or contact her at admin@sarahbolitho.com.

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Transcript

Sarah Bolitho (00:01.65)

Hello and welcome to Creating Active Lives with me, Sarah Belytha and my regular guests all talking about science strategies, ways that we can all create more activity or just live a life that fulfils us and things like that. I am really pleased this week to have the previous guest come back. Charlotte Lawson is back with me. You may remember her from an episode about putting your own oxygen mask on first, which anyone who knows me will know is something I do bang o about all the time.

And Charlotte's changed direction slightly. She'll tell us a little bit more about that in a moment. what we really want to talk about is, if you like the fourth trimester, as it's sometimes known, which is the postnatal period and how important it is to actually prioritize yourself somehow in some way at a time when it's actually really difficult to do that.

So Charlotte, tell us a little bit more about what you're doing now, because I know you've shifted slightly in what you do. And then we'll talk about your good old fourth trimester.

Charlotte Lawson (01:02.467)

Yeah.

Yeah, thank you Sarah. So I'm Charlotte Lawson and I'm a sustainable success coach. So I help women who are very, capable, but who feel like they're drowning in their own high standards. And what I do is I help them start actually enjoying their lives again. So a lot of the women who come and work with me feel like they are just completely overwhelmed. They feel like they're verthinking everything. Some of them are close to burnout. they're really struggling with things like switching off and constantly thinking about all the things that they still have to do. And they're putting themselves under an awful lot of pressure just to be the best version of themselves in all areas of their life, but they feel like they're completely failing at everything. So in the work that I do with women now is help them to overcome that constant pressure that they're putting themselves under, overcome the overthinking that they're struggling with change the relationship that they have with themselves and the way that they relate to other people in terms of boundaries so that they can start enjoying their lives again but actually still achieve all the things they want to achieve but just in a much more sustainable way. So I think today we're probably going to touch on my experience of postpartum, my experience of myself and the women that I help with those really high standards and expectations and how that can get you in a bit of a pickle.

So yeah, I think it's going to be really, really interesting conversation, Sarah. Thank you for inviting me back.

Sarah Bolitho (02:34.162)

I'm looking forward to this. It's something that I feel quite passionate about having unfortunately lost people to post-natal depression. I think particularly for women who strive for success, are perfectionists, who have very, high standards, it can be a particularly vulnerable time because A, you're not in that familiar work environment. You're dealing with something that...

there is no manual for. mean, there's lots of books out there about babies and stuff, but there's no real manual that says, you know, this is what happens then. It's very, every child, every baby is different. And I think there is almost an expectation in society that, gosh, you must be so happy. What a wonderful time. you're so blessed. You're so lucky. And it's not always like that because particularly if you've got high standards, the fact that you're still in your PJs at four o'clock in the afternoon with some milksick down your back, it can be quite distressing for people. You know, there's this expectation that you'll be in floaty linen under a tree with a homemade lemonade and the baby's gurgling at your feet. It's not like that. And it's very hard, I think, sometimes to understand that actually it's okay to do enough rather than it all. And that's something I think

Charlotte Lawson (03:37.762)

Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (03:59.676)

But it's hard, isn't it? Particularly if you've been in an industry or a business where standards are everything to suddenly realize that actually you can lower them. How do we do that? So tell us what happened with you. Tell us what happened with you.

Charlotte Lawson (04:10.689)

Well, yeah, it's really interesting, isn't it? I think for me, one of the biggest things was the way that I thought motherhood and early motherhood would be and the way I thought I would be as a mother was completely different to what my reality was. So yeah, absolutely there is that past and present, I guess, person in me that really wants to get things done and achieve really well and it feels really hard on those days that all you've done is look after an upset baby and like you see you've not even got dressed. But the mother that I thought I would be is the mother who would happily leave her baby with in-laws for a weekend while she went off for her anniversary with her husband. Like that is so far away from what I wanted to do once baby arrived. Like it is unbelievable. And exercise used to be and is an enormous part of my life and I thought that by six weeks postpartum I would be back doing exactly what I was doing before and so I had this idea in my head of this is what it will be like I'll be handing baby over I'll give baby to dad to go on a drive in the car if they're upset so he can get them to sleep while I do some exercise baby hated the car that was never going to happen

But actually what I wasn't expecting was this like complete overwhelming love that I felt for this baby and I didn't want to leave them. I didn't want to palm them off on anybody else. I wanted to be with them and so actually what I found really hard was fitting in that time to look after me because I didn't want to be apart from them and I found it really hard to trust anybody to even hold them. I mean, apart from my husband and my mum, they were like the two people who, you know, I would trust for periods of time to like have a bath. But certainly for nothing longer. And yeah, I mean, the six weeks came and went and another six weeks came and went. And it's just, I think those expectations that you can have and just allowing yourself to, for it to be different to what you think it is and taking the pressure off because it's okay that it's not what you think it might be. And also it's okay that it's different for everyone, isn't it? I mean, some people can't wait to be like, take the baby, let me get out of here. But it's okay, whatever it is, isn't it?

Sarah Bolitho (06:47.035)

Yeah, it's absolutely and you're so right, it's so different for everybody and there's no right way or wrong way, there's just the way that happens to be on that day, or today's way really. do you think there's an element of, you know, like we see celebrities, see social media, people have babies and they appear to snap back into shape and it's like this is how it should be, whereas the reality mean at the end of the day, it's taking you nine months to grow the baby. It's going to take you probably nine months at least to recover from that.

Charlotte Lawson (07:25.389)

But there's no, you get the glowing pregnant mum, but you don't get the less than glowy postnatal mum who's, like you say, you know, it is that kind of expectation that everything will carry on as normal. know, fair play, some women do seem to manage that sort of switch into motherhood and still manage things usually because they've got great support. But also for a lot of women, you know, the partner

Charlotte Lawson (07:54.222)

Mm-hmm.

Sarah Bolitho (07:57.284)

might only be off work for a short period of time and they've got to manage everything and it's if the baby's having a bad day you have a bad day you can't just sort of wipe it out and say you know yeah the baby's having a bad day but everything's great because you're so focused on it like you say you know there is that overwhelming not just love but that's that overwhelming need to provide to protect to nourish to nurture

Charlotte Lawson (08:07.65)

Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (08:24.114)

And I think sometimes social media gives us a very misleading, know, six weeks, get back into shape, start exercising and things. Whereas actually, it would be much better if we said, do you know what, just start doing what you feel like doing. You know, go for a short walk. Don't worry about your abs yet. It's going to take them time to get back to normal. And I think, you know, we need to, we need to actively take the pressure of ourselves to meet previous standards.

But it's hard because we teach people to have high standards, but we don't teach people how to cope with lowering those standards because of necessity.

Charlotte Lawson (09:05.442)

Yeah, yeah and just completely changing the way that you're expecting it to go. So actually you've just had a baby, like you've had a nine month pregnancy, your core is completely shot to pieces and stretched beyond recognition, like your pelvic floor, mean, gosh, mine needed quite a lot of rehabilitation. Like it's almost like you're recovering from a long-term injury. It's gonna take time and I think you're right, the way it's shown on social media, everyone, like celebrities, and people share when they're doing really well, but there's not very many stories of people being like, actually, all of a sudden, exercise wasn't a priority, my baby was my sole priority, or my body was in a really bad way after birth, and for some people, that is the reality, isn't it? And even if it's not, even if you know I had a really straightforward birth both times but your body still needs to recover and repair and that takes time.

Sarah Bolitho (10:09.906)

It's not called labour for nothing. It's hard work. It's just, I don't remember. My mother-in-law turned up. But she appeared and I was literally, she looked at me up and down and went, you're still big then. And I had a baby, it was like seven hours ago. Of course I'm still big. But it just made me feel really, And I wasn't particularly, I mean, I have to admit my baby was quite small.

Charlotte Lawson (10:11.95)

my goodness.

Sarah Bolitho (10:39.57)

and I wasn't particularly big but it just really was and it was it kind of like where's the kindness where's the you know energy yeah and it's but it's it's it's something that I think again particularly women have been you know successful in business and things like that it's really hard to accept less than you're used to you're striving for but it's also isn't there also there's kind of a

Charlotte Lawson (10:47.308)

Yeah, so unnecessary.

Sarah Bolitho (11:07.154)

There's a drive to have high standards. So to kind of step away from that, how do we do that? How do we say, do you know what, it's okay that I haven't washed today. It's okay that the sink's full of dishes. It's okay that the dishwasher hasn't been run. How do we let go of the need to be perfect and actually accept good enough or...

Charlotte Lawson (11:10.281)

So I think there's maybe a couple of things here and one is just giving yourself an enormous dose of self-compassion. like whenever those thoughts are coming in of like I've still not emptied the dishwasher, I've not done this, I've not done that, I've not done the other. Countering those thoughts and going, hang on a minute, like that's okay. I'm raising a baby like I'm kept them alive, that is the most important thing. So giving yourself a huge dose of self-compassion, like it's okay to be finding this hard, it's okay that you're not doing any of those things that you think that you should be doing, it's okay to take this slow, and actually maybe reframing it and going, what is most important in this period of my life? It's not having a pristine house, it's not getting back to the exact same life and success that I had before.

It's learning my baby and it's learning this whole new identity because you've got a completely new identity when you become a mother. Like you've never been a mother before and that's one of the things that I found easier going from one to two than not to one is you're already a mum. You already know how that works for you. But yeah, have an identity.

Sarah Bolitho (12:46.288)

It's that shift in identity.

So is something, I mean, you mentioned about having some rehab afterwards and, you know, we don't need to go into sort of medical details and stuff here, but do you think it's important after you've had a baby and particularly when you're back on your own for most of the day, partner maybe has gone back to work and family and friends have kind of, you're coping really well. Do you think it's important to know that there is help out there for things like pelvic floor rehab, abdominal rehab. And I don't mean here getting back in shape. I mean getting back into normal function rather than looking good. It's about functioning properly, but also mental health. Do you think it's important to know that there's help out there and how to access it? Because I think people don't always realize that some of the aftereffects aren't necessarily, They happen, but carrying on is not normal. There are ways to get better.

Charlotte Lawson (13:46.562)

Yeah, absolutely. I think that especially like post COVID and since the health visiting service has been really thinned down and now a lot of it is over like Zoom calls and the six week check with your GP like doesn't really go into public health at all or even, know, like call recovery or any of that. And it's like, yeah, you're signed off now. So I think what we see is a very limited amount of what is possible. So in terms of mental health, think like, so baby blues are completely normal, you know, when your milk comes in or those first five days a week, if it's not improving and you're still feeling really low after two, three, four weeks, you need to be getting in touch with your GP and saying, actually, I'm feeling really anxious, I'm having intrusive thoughts about dropping my baby down the stairs, I'm feeling really low and struggling to get up, I'm not bonding with my baby, any of those things. Speech is to speak to your GP. And there's so much help out there. And know in our area, there is a service called Talking Therapies. And if you're pregnant or in the first year postnatally, so this is an NHS service, they put you to the top of the waiting list. So I've used those after my daughter and I was like started on therapy within a month. So it's amazing actually what is out there if you just know but the way to get that help really is through your GP if your mental health is struggling and then

Sarah Bolitho (15:21.742)

It's, you know, can I just add, this is so important because it's estimated that something like one in three women experience depression during pregnancy, not postnatally, but during pregnancy. And if it carries on, you are much more likely to develop serious postnatal depression. It is also normal to have what I would call kind of unkind thoughts about...

Charlotte Lawson (15:31.214)

Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (15:45.222)

you know, just, I'm going to shut the baby in a room, I'm going to leave them there, I'm going to, you know, I just can't cope with this. You don't, you know, you're not going to ever act on any of these things. But sometimes the fact that you've had those thoughts makes people think I can't go and get help because they'll think there's something very wrong with me. They'll think I'm going to harm my baby. You're not, you're absolutely not. You're just at the end of your tether. And you we all have, I mean, let's face it, we all have, you know, like somebody, somebody annoys us in the street and we imagine punching them or something. We don't act on these things because we just never would. But sometimes the thought is enough to kind of quieten the emotion down. But to go to somebody and say, I'm having these really weird thoughts, you sort of think they're going to think there's something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with you. You're probably sleep deprived. You're probably a little bit on the edge of depression. But also you've got all the raging hormones still floating around.

you know, it's okay to talk to someone and say, I'm having completely irrational thoughts. don't know how to cope with it. Help. Because, yeah, exactly. You know, and they'll probably be like, yeah, I've thought that too. You know, it is, we get a little bit irrational at times. And you know, you've had no sleep for several weeks. You've probably even had so, but it's, so there are so many places you can go to for help with mental health.

Charlotte Lawson (16:48.046)

Yeah, and they're not going to take your baby away, they're going to help you.

Sarah Bolitho (17:11.026)

mental health or anything like that and I want to add as well here those of you who've got friends who are with new babies don't turn up with a bunch of roses and say lovely you know cuckoo lovely let's take a few pictures off you go turn up with a meal turn up with some bath salts badadas there are other bath foams available but badadas is always recommended because it's got something in it that helps with pelvic recovery turn up with something like that and say give me the baby for half an hour I'll sit I'll sit on the loo and watch you while you have a bath or I'll sit while you have a meal. Do something practical for someone turn up and say right there's three of us we're going to tidy the house for you. Do the things that aren't necessary but will make the mum feel one less thing I've got to do that's brilliant. I think you know that can really help with your mental health just knowing you've got that practical support. It isn't about pooing over the baby it's about cleaning the bathroom sometimes isn't it?

Charlotte Lawson (17:49.39)

Yeah, the people that turned up and made their own drinks was just such a simple thing. Like, I don't need to put the baby down, I don't need to hand the baby to you if I don't want to in that moment. You can make yourself a drink, make me one too. And yeah, absolutely, they were the people that were the best visitors. Or if they did my washing up or hung my washing out or, you know, the things that you really struggle to get around to, that practical support is, yeah, so, so helpful.

And in terms of like physical recovery stuff, the best thing that I did was see a women's health physiotherapist. So we've got one local to us who's Emma Claire physiotherapy and she's just amazing. So I had some symptoms in the first few weeks that I was thinking like, isn't right. And it made me not have the confidence to do any movement or exercise because I was really worried about making things worse. So I think there's a lot of people who feel like that, like they don't know what to do in a way that's not going to make any issues worse. And I think seeing a pelvic health or woman's health physiotherapist is just worth the weight in gold because we discovered that I was doing my pelvic floor exercises completely wrong. So in a way that wasn't going to be like helping, it was going to be adding a lot of tension to my body.

And Emma was just amazing because she gave me like very few instructions but ones that could really fit easily into life with a baby. sometimes you go to a physio don't you and they give you like half an hour's worth of exercises that you need to do every day and that is just never gonna work when you've got a young baby that you're looking after. So yeah what was amazing about Emma was she completely understood that.

One of the things she prescribed for me was just like relaxation time. She was like, you know, it's okay for more more husband to sit with the baby outside the bathroom while you have a bath. Which was really helpful actually for somebody to say that, that like, I think in a way maybe that permission just helped me a little bit. I wasn't gonna go out of the house and leave the baby at that point, but.having a bath with them really close by where I could hear that if baby got upset or they needed a feed that I could get out and be right there. And just the simple things that are gonna make the difference. So very few exercises, but ones that you can fit into your day. think that was really, really helpful. Cause yeah, the first time around I just felt so overwhelmed and confused by you know, I know that there is a way to get back to exercise and I know that other people are doing it but one, I don't want to leave my baby to do anything. I had to completely reframe what counted as exercise in my head, like before having my baby I only saw like a full workout counted and afterwards you realise that actually even if you do like five squats while the kettle's boiling before you pick the baby back up off the mat or a short walk somewhere, that all counts and it all builds up and before you know it, it's snowballing but you've just got to allow yourself to do the small amounts of like, I think Dr Chatterjee calls it exercise snacking doesn't it? Is it Dr Chatterjee that calls it that? Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (21:41.788)

Yeah, there's a few now, exercise, snacking, activity, snacktivity.

Charlotte Lawson (21:48.769)

Yeah, like snacktivity. Yeah, so just reframe what counts and at all counts it all adds up. You don't have to do like a full hour or even half an hour. You just do bits where you can when baby's settled. Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (21:58.94)

Can I? Yeah, press ups when you kiss a baby. Press ups when you kiss a baby. Things like that. You know, I'm not an advocate of using babies as weights and lifting them above your head because of the risk of dropping them, but if baby's safe on the floor, then you know, do some little things next to them and stuff. I think what you're saying about pelvic floor health is really, really important. And they tend, we always used to refer to people as women's health physios, even though they kind of specialise a lot in the pelvic area.

They tend to be known as pelvic health physios now because obviously a lot of men, like prostate cancer and things are going in. But you're right, they are absolutely worth their way to go because if there's an issue with your pelvic floor, you are going to be very unlikely to want to do any other kind of exercise because of the fear of, you know, little leaks and things like that. So I think, you know, again, if you tend to get a leaflet in the hospital, a little leaflet go and do this. But if you've never done these sorts of things before, don't, like you say, you could be doing things wrong and making things worse. and I know a common thing with a lot of women is diastasis recti which is the two you know like when you talk about the six-pack it's those two bands that are down the middle we've all got that by the way you just often see it because we've got you know cushioning in front of it but with a baby they tend to lengthen and stretch slightly they separate slightly I mean it's normal and it's it's kind of the tissues that stretch it's not like even but until they've gone back properly you shouldn't really be doing, there's a lot of exercise you shouldn't do because there isn't the support for your core, your inner organs and everything like that. And you know, back in the day, we used to do what we call the rec check, which is your checking for separation. And when you to a certain point, you say, right, you can go back to doing abdominal work now. But before that, it's gentle stuff, pelvic tilt, abdominal hollowing. But again, there's a sorts of things that you can do while you're lying down, while you're waiting for the kettle to boil. It doesn't have to be, I must go and exercise for half an hour, an hour or whatever. It can be right as I'm standing here, I'm going to do pelvic floor, I'm going to do my abdominal pull-ins and start to get everything back. But so many people don't realize that the separation's there. They do too much too soon, they make it worse and then, but they can be problems years later because they never kind of got there.

Charlotte Lawson (23:58.404)

Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (24:24.914)

it will go back if it's treated properly but if it's not this is where a pelvic health physio can really help to

Charlotte Lawson (24:29.187)

Yes, because Emma helped me with that as well because I didn't seem to have the brain connection to my deep core, like my transverse abs, which is one of the things that they help you restore, isn't it, to protect that linear alve, like where the diastasis is. So I just couldn't get my brain to be like, this part of my body I need you to switch on now. Like it just was not working. So again, like that's one of the things that Emma helped me with so that we could build that up so that got stronger and it protected my core and it all works in tandem doesn't it like pelvic floor your core all needs to be working well together and even like breathing when you're pregnant like your baby's up in your rib cage isn't it so you don't use your ribs as well when you're breathing and yeah Emma taught me all about that as well and it's just it is amazing what they do and to give you that foundation from which you can then build exercise back in but in a really safe way because like you say, if you don't do that you can make it worse.

Sarah Bolitho (25:36.624)

Yes, absolutely. And I was shocked once that somebody had said that you can go running as soon as you want after a baby because there's no impact on the pelvis. Well, maybe not on the pelvic. I mean, I'm not going to go into the semantics here because I could be taught forever, but there'd be a lot of impact on the pelvic floor and, know, eek. And I just think, you know, we we're not always aware of how much help and support there is out there.

Sarah Bolitho (26:05.062)

I know somebody once and she said she was devastated because she really struggled to breastfeed and in the end her husband said look you have to stop because you're crying with pain every single time it's not fair on either of you it's it's it's awful and she did I mean genuinely and she'd asked the the midwife coming around she'd asked health visitors things like that she found out about a year later there was a breastfeeding cafe and those of you if anyone's listening to this new what it's basically where mums can go and get proper advice and support from a lactation specialist so they will literally show people what to do how to do it everything to do with getting the best experience but nobody told her that existed a couple of streets away from where she lived and it's it's i know and it's simple things like that

Charlotte Lawson (26:50.798)

a shame.

Sarah Bolitho (26:55.954)

that we need a lot more of this kind of collaborative working between not just the medical professionals, the health professionals, but also between mums saying, gosh, how are you getting on with breastfeeding? Asking the direct questions, how are you getting on with it? Did you know that there's support on a Tuesday afternoon at this place? Really sharing that kind of information. Here's, you said your public health physios, Emma. Oh, talk to Emma, she's really, really good helping you sort that out. We need a lot more of that kind of like collaboration between mums, not just for the how to wean and how to do this that but also where to go for advice when you're struggling and we shouldn't wait until you know until someone says I'm really really low I don't know what to do I'm always weepy. We shouldn't wait for that we should be saying look here's everything that's in the area to do with mums and babies.

Charlotte Lawson (27:32.686)

Hmm.

Sarah Bolitho (27:54.706)

Here it all is. If you need anything, it's going to be on the list.

Charlotte Lawson (27:56.568)

Yeah, yeah. We had huge feeding issues and I didn't know that it wasn't normal for your baby to scream at the breast instead of latching. Because, well, was COVID times, so there wasn't the baby groups, there wasn't any of that really. And we didn't get help for weeks and in the end we paid for an IBCLC who was also amazing, like these people who have supported us are incredible. So that was Caroline Bolton, who's based in York and she completely saved our breastfeeding journey. She diagnosed a tongue tie and then we could get it sorted and she supported us the whole way through. And yeah, we breastfed for years, which was a surprise to me, but we were really struggling at two months postpartum and it was heading like it might have been going towards the end because you don't, a baby shouldn't be screaming in the breast. But I didn't know that that support was there until I'd done so much searching and weeks and weeks had gone by. But if somebody had said to me at three weeks, like, they don't normally feed every half an hour.

Sarah Bolitho (29:20.082)

be as it's and again it's that sort of thing of you know coming coming back to sort of getting back to being more active and we're not even talking about exercise you're just doing a bit more activity you've exhausted after things like that you're dreading the next bout of feeding and it's it all starts to build up and it all starts and we know that you know we're not talking about exercise I mean we're talking about going for a gentle walk we're talking about let's say doing a few squats doing a pelvic floor things like that

gentle stuff that feels comfortable that feels good. It's good for the baby as well get them out in the fresh air get them moving in either the whatever you know if you're doing baby wearing or if you've got a sling or if it's a bucket whatever it is it it's but you just don't feel like it when you you sort of think oh goodness i've got half an hour before the next feed so it's so difficult isn't it to get that kind of to put yourself first and say no i know that's going to be a short time before i have to do x y and z, but I am going to take myself, we're going to go for a walk for 10 minutes for 20 minutes. But how do you get the kind of, I'm not a priority, the baby is the house is the husband is everyone else's, because they are proud that we're all everything's a priority. But you've, like we said before, you've got to put your own oxygen mask on first, because if you're not getting enough oxygen, you're going to struggle. So how do we how do we move prioritizing everyone else and putting ourselves up there as well?

Charlotte Lawson (30:42.605)

So I think one of the things that you can do for this is coming back to like, why? What makes it important? Why do you want to get back to exercise or why do you want to look after yourself? And it's looking at when I do those things, I am this kind of person. So if I take some time out to read my book while my husband partner, you know, has the baby for a nap in the carrier, then I'm gonna feel much more restored. I'm gonna have much more patience. Getting through the night when they're waking multiple times is gonna be easier because I've just had that bit of downtime for myself. Why do you want to get back to exercise? Well, most people know that their babies are gonna grow up and they want to be able to keep up with them when they're scooting off on their balance bike at 100 mile an hour. you wanna be able to run after them to be like, stop, don't go over the road.

Sarah Bolitho (31:46.48)

Yeah, or when they run and there's nothing, no one runs faster than a toddler with something in their mouth that they shouldn't have. Yeah, yeah, but it is. And as they get bigger, you've got to pick them up. it's it. But I like that. I like that thinking, OK, not just to be in shape, to have defined muscles and that sort of thing. It's about.

Charlotte Lawson (31:52.097)

my gosh, yes, they shouldn't have. Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (32:07.26)

how it helps you in your day to day life isn't it? It's thinking, you know, if I can cope better with the nights, I can cope better with busy times, screaming days and things. It's kind of looking at it from a different angle, how it will help me cope rather than how it will help me look.

Charlotte Lawson (32:10.414)

Yeah, definitely. And one of the things that I did the second time round, which was largely actually I was able to do because I'd had Emma's support, I knew what I was doing. I could do the pelvic floor and the pelvic tilts and all the rehab sooner. So I was able to do more walks and longer walks carrying my baby much sooner.

So one of the things that I did was I dropped my eldest at preschool and I'd go for like a walk and I'd built up to do an hour but that was such amazing brain space for me. In the early days, I still do it and I still carry him and he's nearly two. And in the early days it was really good brain space because he would sleep and I would just listen to the birds or you know just notice what was around me and actually.

That was time for me, but I was still meeting his needs because the other thing that I learned the first time around, which was a skill that I used both times constantly, was I contacted his sling library, which these are amazing as well. So just Google sling libraries. I learned how to baby wear safely. And I also learned how to breastfeed in the carrier. And I know that there's been some really sad cases recently and it's had a lot of bad presses breastfeeding in a carrier, but 

there is a way to do it safely. It's not hands-free, but you can learn to do it safely with support of a sling library. And what that allowed me to do was go for a walk. And even if the floor was wet and there was nowhere to sit down and I couldn't, you know, find somewhere to sit and feed the baby and get them out, I knew that I could still meet their needs, like feed them on demand, even if I'm out for a half hour walk, because I can just lower the carrier to an appropriate height, latch them on, keep an eye on them, make sure the airways are always clear, you know, all the things that you need to do. But I could feed and get my walk done and it wasn't a barrier to me. The fact that, there's going to be nowhere to sit or it's really wet, you know, like actually once you can feed in a carrier, you don't need to worry about any of those things because you can just drop them down, carry them walking and feed, put them back up again and It's not something that needs to stop you or is going to stop you because the first few weeks with my eldest, that was one of the things that stopped me getting out. I thinking, well, if she needs a feed, what am I going to do? How am I going to like, I want to sit on the pavement. Although I definitely did that a few times and I don't want to make them wait 10 minutes till we get home. I want to be able to feed them straight away. So that was really, really useful to be able to learn that skill.

Sarah Bolitho (34:59.184)

of activities and this is where you know there are there are dedicated classes and things that people can go to where you know everybody's in the same boat if you need to feed then you do and I think again that's important isn't it is knowing what's around in your area but like you say it's things like looking for the other support things like slings things like you know feeding guidance all that because it all helps you to get back into activity and you know at end of the day ww want to be role models for our children. The more they see us being active, the more they'll be active and experience, you know, you're taking the baby out, they're close to you, they can hear your heartbeat, but also they can hear the birds, the trees, they can smell nature. It's all about stimulation. You know, we tend to think of stimulation as the bright colours and the toys and the noise, but sometimes it is just the whisper of the wind or the faint rustle of a tree or the birds singing. And that all

Charlotte Lawson (35:49.006)

Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (36:14.632)

starts to build that love of nature, that love of being outside in them. And, you know, but it gets you back to gentle activity much more quickly because you're ready for it. You're not worried. And it's that support, isn't it? So what would be, I'm just aware of time really, but what would be your top tip to somebody who is, has a newborn?

and it's kind of struggling with the high standards of perfectionism and the fact that, you know, has put themselves last really. Everything else comes first.

Charlotte Lawson (36:53.998)

So I think the top tip would be take the pressure off yourself that it has to look a certain way that you have to be a certain way or feel a certain way and just meet yourself where you're at and do what works for you and your family so and that can be different every single day as well so some days you might just need a bath or to read your book some days you might feel well enough or good enough to go for a walk

don't expect so much of yourself to be able to snap back to what you were doing but find ways that you can fit it in really easily into your life. One of the things that I did was the bump plan which was an online, I did it through pregnancy, second pregnancy, it's an online, it's Pilates and cardio and they also have a postnatal one which builds you up really slowly. So when I sort of got signed off from Emma, I moved on to that and they have some, 

think it's just six per stage so it's not overwhelming to choose which exercise to do. Holly who has the bun plan she's really good at cuing you with your pelvic floor and your deep core and you can just do like I think there was some 20 minute workouts some 30 so while baby's having a nap or happy playing just slot it in wherever you can find times that are gonna work for you and it doesn't even need to be full workouts like that, especially in the early days. I think it was maybe six months by the time I got to doing those. But in those early days, just find ways that are gonna work for you. And if that is handing baby over while you go for a walk by yourself, do that. If that is taking baby with you while you do a walk in a carrier, do that. If that's a handful of squats while baby's happy on the mat, do that. Just take the pressure off yourself to make it look a certain way and that you have to do certain things and just find what works for you and be prepared to adapt it as well as they get older because they're not going to stay tiny forever, you are going to get more time, they're going to become more aware so now, yes I still baby wear and do my hour walks with my nearly two year old, he doesn't sleep anymore so that's not brain space for me anymore but we have lovely walks where I talk to him and he points out the cows and he points out the sheep and He points out the horses and you know, it's a really nice thing to do to still bond with him. But I get an adult paced walk and get a few steps in and it just makes all the difference. So yeah, be kind to yourself, be flexible.

Sarah Bolitho (39:26.226)

I think that's it. Lower your standards just for a little while but also even if it's just two minutes in a day where you just you're still and you do some some breathing or some pelvic floor just just even if you have to build up to taking more time for yourself just just find pockets of a minute or two and say right for this next couple of minutes I'm just me I'm gonna focus on me and you know even if it's just sitting in the garden with a cup of coffee in the summer or tea or other hot beverages but it's just prioritising yourself for just a minute or two minutes at first.

Charlotte Lawson (40:01.836)

Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (40:08.69)

Or like you say, hand over, have a bath, even if that bath is only five minutes to start with, even if it's shower, but just do it. Set a timer and say, right, I cannot have the baby back until the time has gone off. And just get used to putting yourself first because it's hard.

Charlotte Lawson (40:30.636)

Yeah, yeah and just tiny snippets and be kind to yourself along the way.

Sarah Bolitho (40:36.06)

Yeah, and you know, honestly, truthfully guys, sorry about this, but it doesn't get easier to put yourself first when you've got kids. But you learn, you learn that actually you need to put your own oxygen mask on because the better, the more oxygenated you are, the more you can give to everybody else. That's really important. Charlotte, thank you so much for coming and talking about this because I actually think it's...

Charlotte Lawson (40:57.154)

Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah Bolitho (41:03.314)

know, some of the things we talked about are really, really important because they're not always talked about. And we need more openness because I think more people will come forward for support when they need it and want it. And it also helps people realize that it's OK to feel up, down, sideways, confused. There's no right or wrong, but there's a lot of help if you know who to ask how to find it. So we need more of that out there. Where can people find out more about what you actually do business wise? Because you mentioned it's about supporting people still and preventing...

Charlotte Lawson (41:42.594)

Yeah, absolutely. So if there's people listening who are the kind of people that put themselves under enormous pressure and feel like they're failing at everything and they want life to feel easier again and enjoy the life without without burning out and whilst still being able to achieve the things that are important to them.

You can look on my website and I offer a free complimentary call for anyone who is seriously thinking that actually they really could do with some help. Or I have got a free resource for people who are just feeling like they're finding themselves stressed more often than not and who want to learn how stress shows up for them and who want to learn how they can help themselves to manage that stress before it becomes a problem. So I've created a free workbook for people that is called the personal stress system and that will take you through how to do that. So how to learn actually what that shows up like for you and how to manage your stress before it becomes a problem. So I can share that link with you as well Sarah to put in the show notes.

Sarah Bolitho (42:45.05)

I'll make sure the link's included because again I think it's something that people aren't always good at spotting the early signs. They're at noticing when it's all gone horribly wrong but it's that hang on a minute I'm doing this this and this I need to stop and think why and do something about it.

Charlotte Lawson (42:52.75)

Yeah, yeah and it's all about spotting it in the moment so then you can deal with it in the moment rather than getting to the end of the day and just feeling like you're up to here and can't take any more and you're about to blow your top. Yeah so the workbook really helps you to recognise it as it's happening, do something about it as it's happening and just some really simple ways that you can generally just manage your stress so that it's not building up as the days goes on and it's not gonna cause a problem.

Sarah Bolitho (43:34.428)

Thank you for that. I will share the link for that as well because I imagine there's quite a lot of people out there who will benefit from it. for now, thank you so much for joining me as my guest, Charlotte, again. And thank you all for listening to Creating Active Lives with me, Sarah Belysoe. Join me on the next episode. I'm not sure what we'll be talking about, but I'm sure it will be interesting. So have a good day. Thank you all and see you soon.

Charlotte Lawson (43:59.951)

Thank you.