Creating Active Lives

048 Put your oxygen mask on first with Charlotte Lawson

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In this week's episode, I speak to Charlotte Lawson, a wellbeing coach, about how to prioritise your own health and wellbeing.

We discuss:

  • how to prioritise self
  • how to say 'me too'
  • how to see that there is nothing more important than our health
  • how to build habits

About Charlotte:
As a wellbeing coach and trainer Charlotte uses her warm and compassionate style to help busy people-pleasers swap; distraction for presence, self-criticism for self-compassion and unrealistic expectations for sustainable daily progress. So you can finally make yourself a priority and have time for the things that are important to you!

If you want to contact Charlotte, here are all her links:
Email: charlotte@charlottelawson.co.uk
Website: www.charlottelawson.co.uk

Free Facebook group, Draw The Line https://www.facebook.com/groups/drawthelinehere

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/CharlotteLawsonCoaching/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/charlottelawsoncoaching/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlotte-lawson-370453168/

 Her 30 day group programme (starting again on 19th February) is The Empowered Boundaries Programme.  https://charlottelawson.co.uk/the-empowered-boundaries-programme


About Sarah:
Sarah Bolitho helps fitness and health professionals develop their careers and grow their businesses by providing specialist training in teaching, assessing, and internal quality assurance, together with qualifications in exercise referral and disability.   

With over 30 years in the health-related fitness and physical activity fields, Sarah has a wealth of experience and knowledge.  She has worked in most roles in the industry from group exercise to personal training but specialised in working with specialist populations.  For over 25 years Sarah has trained fitness and health professionals to work with clients with long-term conditions, mental health issues, disabilities, older adults and pre/post-natal women.  She has a post-graduate diploma in exercise and health behaviour and extensive training in supporting behaviour change.  She has worked with awarding organisations to develop qualifications and training and with accreditation bodies to endorse high-quality non-regulated training. 

In her spare time, you will usually find Sarah walking in the mountains, by the sea or anywhere in nature.


For more about the training and support Sarah offers, visit www.sarahbolitho.com or contact her at admin@sarahbolitho.com.

Follow her on social media
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fabnewlous_active_lives
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fitnesscareer mentor
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahbolitho

Sarah (00:02.582)

Hello and welcome to this episode of Creating Active Lives with me, Sarah Bolitho, and my guest this week, Charlotte Lawson. Charlotte is a well-being coach who helps busy people pleasers and quick whisper, I think that's a lot of us out there, but she helps busy people pleasers swap distraction for presence, swap self-criticism for self-compassion and swap unrealistic expectations for sustainable daily progress so they could finally make themselves a priority and have time for things that are important to them. This is something I'm passionate about is sustainable small steps and daily progress as well. Charlotte, I'll get you to introduce yourself in a moment, but we're calling this put your own oxygen mask on first because I think it's something that as women a lot of us prioritize other people and hopefully by the end of this episode, you'll have a couple of little ideas that you can go away and start implementing to prioritize for yourself. So, Charlotte tell us a little bit about what you do and why you got into it.

Charlotte Lawson (01:05.645)

Hello, thank you so much for having me, Sarah. So yes, I'm Charlotte Lawson. I'm a well-being coach And I love helping people pleasers to get themselves off the bottom of the priority list so they can do the things that are important to them rather than just running around after everybody else all the time feeling like they've not even got time to meet their own basic needs and that might be some of you out there you know barely having time for a shower if you've got young kids. So, I love helping people please actually prioritise themselves do the things that are important to them and for you and your listeners that's going to be having an active lifestyle.

That was me as well, you know, having an active lifestyle is hugely important to me. And I am a recovering people pleaser. So, I've been there, I've, you know, I've put my all into work, I've burnt out. I don't want that for anybody else. So that's why I'm doing what I'm doing now and working with other people pleasers to help them put themselves first.

Sarah (02:10.658)

And it's not about saying I'm the only thing that matters. It's not about saying, right, everybody else can just go hang themselves because right now all I want to do is put me first. It's not about that, is it? It's about a much more subtle prioritization of your own needs. And I think this is, you know, this episode's first going out in the middle of February. And it's a time when I bet you anything, there's so many women out there who say, January, this is the year I'm going to get active, this is the year I'm going to start exercising, this is the year I'm going to do things. And so many of them will have got to the middle of February, six weeks in and gone, oh, I haven't been to the gym yet, I haven't been for that walk, I haven't been for that run. And this is one of the things, as I say people, please, but as a busy woman often, and it applies to men as well, but particularly women, there's always something that we perceive as being more important. Isn't it?

Charlotte Lawson (03:07.046)

Yes, absolutely. And just coming back to your point that it is not just all about me, me. I think a really nice way of looking at it is it's about saying me too. So, it's not about leaving yourself off the list and it's not about saying like it's all about me. It's about saying I am important as well. It's me too. And yeah, absolutely. Like on that whole everyone's really busy and there's always something else that we're pushing up. I was just thinking about this on Monday. So doing a little bit of work and I don't normally get a chance to do work on a Monday, but I was doing a little bit of work and I've previously said to myself, right, on a Monday at 3 o'clock I'm going to go swimming. Now I've missed a couple of weeks because having a toddler I have like constant viruses, so I've not been well enough but this Monday I was actually well enough and I was really into my work and I was like, oh just keep doing my work and I was like, no you've made the commitment to go swimming like that is really good for your health. So, I finished what I was doing, and I went swimming at three o'clock and I did my 40 lengths and felt much better for it. So yes, definitely as busy women and people pleasers, we often do, don't we, think of all these other things that we perceive are more important, but ultimately, actually there's nothing more important than our health.

Sarah (04:30.358)

That's it. And, you know, if you think about the inconvenience to everybody, if you were ill and had to stop everything, being active and, you know, we're focusing on, on giving yourself permission to get out there and do some sort of activity is so important because it's, it's a huge factor in promoting good health is being active and it doesn't have to be the gym or an exercise class for an hour, it could be going for a walk, it could be going for a swim, it could be doing some relaxation. But it's those moments of me time, like you say, me too, me time, where you're prioritizing your health and wellbeing in a positive way. And the knock-on effect is that you have more energy, even though it's taken maybe an hour out of your day to go swimming, you've been more productive in the rest of the day because you're looking forward to that, aren't you? And also, you've got that burst of energy afterwards. And this is something I think is so important, but it's really hard if you're used to sort of, oh yeah, okay, well I'll do that then, I'll do it, yeah, I'll do that for you, yes, I'll do this, yes, and then, and then you realise it's Sunday afternoon again, you still haven't gone to the gym. How do we, how do we kind of, a, how do we recognise that that's what we're doing? Because I think that's the first step, isn't it, is recognising and accepting that you put yourself last.

Charlotte Lawson (05:41.875)

Yeah, I guess it is just being aware that these thoughts are coming up like, oh man, it's like evening time again and I've still not done the thing that I wanted to do for my own exercise or like you say, it's Sunday afternoon again and I've still not done that workout, or you know, started that running program or whatever it is that you want to do. So, it's just noticing actually, this is a recurring theme, like every night, I am saying to myself, oh, haven't done it today again, I'll do it tomorrow, and if that's happening, then that's a sign that actually something needs to change, something needs to happen to help you actually get started. And I think it's getting started is the hardest bit. Once you're actually in the routine of doing it, then you're flying, aren't you? It's getting started that's the hardest bit.

Sarah (06:45.343)

That's it. I know someone at the moment who's just gone back to running after years of not running. And, you know, yes, it's kind of, okay, this is my time. And initially, it's a bit with this to do and that to do. But actually, the difference in her, in her mindset, in her attitude, in everything, since she's gone back to running is huge. And she only runs for half an hour or so. But she now prioritizes that because before it was always well, I've got to do this, this is my half hour this is my hour I think sometimes you get a bit more organized about other things you say right okay I'm going to organize that get that sorted kids clothes are all ready for tomorrow because you just you kind of create time for it don't you and you when you start to feel the benefits of that activity of that my time, that self-care time, you start to recognise just how important it is and it becomes like going to the dentist, going to the doctor, going to the supermarket. It's an essential part of your life, it's a kind of a given rather than a that would be nice, but isn't it?

Charlotte Lawson (07:59.513)

Yes. Because it is that, it's that, that my time, like you say, it doesn't just like tick the box off, oh, I've done that thing, so that's getting me closer to my goal of, I don't know, becoming stronger, losing weight, whatever that goal is. But also, like you said, it gives you energy. It like helps you de-stress. It helps you be a better person and show up in the way that you want to show up to everybody else because you have taken that time for yourself and you're not feeling resentful anymore and I think the point about how it fits into your life is really key because everybody's life looks different and everybody has different demands on their time and everybody has different you know like schedules and I'm definitely not an evening person so try and get me to exercise in an evening that is never going to happen but for some people actually evening's the perfect time because that's when they've got that's when the kids are asleep and they've actually got loads of energy. I mean, I'm asleep with the kids at that time. So that doesn't work for me, but for some people that really will. So, it's about actually looking at your day and thinking, when is going to be the best time for me to do this? When is going to be the time that this is going to happen? Because if there are too many barriers in the way, then it's going to be more difficult. So, looking at your life and your diary and deciding to start with when is the best time so that some of the barriers are already removed before you get started. And then you can remove more barriers.

Sarah (09:30.126)

That's it. And it's the more, you know, if you don't do that, the problem is, it's like, oh, well, there's too much going on. And you just perpetuate the thought in your head that there's too much going on for you to do that. I'm a morning person. I'm not an evening person either. It's like, you know, eight o'clock. It's like, can I go to bed now, please? But I would I get I get out. I've got a dog. But I walk the dog. I'm out sometimes somewhere between half five and six every morning. And I figured that's kind of my good time, there are not many other people around, but I've done it. So, if I don't do anything else for the rest of the day, at least I've done something. And for me, that works well. And, you know, I mean, I've always been an early riser, but it's taken a while to get so in the habit of waking up at five o'clock and doing that, that I don't even need an alarm or anything. And it just sets up my day. And the days when I can't do it because I've got grandchildren or whatever staying over, I notice the difference in my mood, I notice the difference in my productivity and I notice that I'm kind of, well I haven't gone out for a walk today, I haven't got my steps in, I haven't used that energy, I notice the difference now because it's become part of my life. And it's like you say though, it's fitting it in when you, you know, it might be that you actually take a lunch hour or lunch half hour and do it then, or in the evening, or whenever, but you have to, it has to fit with your schedule and your energy levels and commitments, doesn't it? You've got to be realistic.

Charlotte Lawson (10:59.481)

Yeah, yeah, definitely have to be realistic because if you don't figure that out to start with then you're just going to set yourself up for failure because there hasn't been enough thought going to when is the right time. You have to work out when, when is the right time.

Sarah (11:18.398)

And, but I see I always say to people, you know, make an appointment for your activity, actually write it in your diary as an appointment because you're less likely to break it if it's there. But I think some people, you know, feel guilty about that but you'd have a hair appointment, as I say you'd have a hair appointment, a dentist appointment, a doctor's appointment, you wouldn't feel guilty about that and that's all part of self-care.

And I, you know, and the hardest part, isn't it, of a lot of this isn't, it's not the starting necessarily, it's the habit. It's the regular, it's the associating, oh, it's 10 o'clock, that's my going for a walk time, or it's six o'clock, that's my go for a run time. It's creating that regular habit that your body then kind of almost gets into the sync of it. And it's just like, oh yeah, no, I can't do that. I've got to run, or I can't do that because I've got something else in my diary. And I think, do you think that helps people, particularly people pleasers, to create that kind of appointment?

Charlotte Lawson (12:18.541)

Yeah, absolutely. So having that set time, the appointment where you're committed and then another thing that can help people is having an accountability partner. So, whether that is someone who you physically do it with or whether that is somebody who has a similar goal and is also wanting to get more active and you message them at the end of each day and say, oh I've done my 10,000 steps today or I've done my yoga workout or whatever it is that you're each working on, and you have that support, I think that really helps as well. And coming back to the guilt part, there are some great questions that you can ask yourself about this. If you are somebody who feels guilty about putting that time in the diary for yourself. And for me, those questions are around the benefits. So, what are the benefits not just for me, but what are the benefits for other people? Because if you're a people pleaser and you're feeling guilty about it, thinking about how other people benefit is something that we don't tend to do. We always tend to go to the like, oh, no one else is going to benefit. This is very selfish of me, but that's not true at all. Other people are going to benefit from your better mood, and your better energy. Like if you've got children, you're being such a good role model. When, when you go out and prioritize yourself, you're showing them how to do that, how to have an active, healthy lifestyle. So, there's so many benefits to asking yourself the question like what do we get from this? What do I get from this? What do other people get from this? And using those and reflecting on those and seeing if that helps with the guilt a little bit.

Sarah (13:59.634)

I think that's such an important point. I know someone I was talking to about outdoor activity. She's actually a fitness professional like me, but her activity is all about the outdoors. It's, you know, walks, swimming, surfing, all of the sort of outdoorsy sort of activities. And she said, she said, if I don't get to be active outside, I'm not very nice to live with.

Sarah (14:22.186)

And sometimes I think, like you say, what are the benefits for other people if I do this? We all know on the plane when they're doing the safety instructions and here are the exits and things, and it's like when your oxygen mask drops down, put your oxygen mask on first before you put them on for other people. And there's a reason for that. It's because, you know you're going to be much calmer if you've dealt with yours and then you can deal with everything else. And it applies in life, doesn't it? It's, you know, for a lot of people, activity or I don't know, it doesn't have to be activity. It could be going to the library for half an hour, it could be going to a coffee shop for half an hour, could be sitting on a park bench listening to the birds. But that is your oxygen mask. It's topping up your resources bucket or whatever you care to call it. And that is something for other people if I do this for me and that might help people to kind of justify it isn't it?

Charlotte Lawson (15:18.119)

Yeah, yeah. And I think one of the other things about this as well is if you're really struggling to make a start and I saw a physio quite a few years ago for like a sports-related injury and so this is a tip that came from her actually or a question I guess that came from her. So, I'd gone to see her, she'd given me some exercises, I'd done them for a few weeks and then I'd come back, and she said, Oh, how did you get on? I said, Oh yeah, I did them for a few weeks, but then like, you know, life got in the way, and I haven't done them and I'm still struggling with this. I can't even remember what the problem was. I think it was Achilles pain. Yeah, and she said to me, well, how important is it to you to do this thing that we're working towards? So, I was wanting to get back to running. At that point, I was doing quite a lot of triathlons and running, and she said, how important is it to you? Because if it's important to you, you need to do those exercises that I've prescribed for you. If it's not important to you to get back to running, then don't do the exercises, it's fine. So, I think we can really use that in general exercise and go, how important is it to you to be healthy, to be fit, to spend this time on yourself? Because if it's important, then you can and will find a way to make it happen. It might be you need support with that to help you make it happen and that's fine but if it's not important just take that pressure off yourself because there's something empowering about saying oh this is something that I thought I wanted because society has told me that it's important but I don't want this so take that pressure off you, you can choose because it's your life you don't have to do it but actually if you're on the other side of that and say no this is important to me then let's make that happen and if you're struggling by yourself then somebody will be able to help you.

Sarah (17:26.178)

I think it’s as well reframing it, isn't it? Saying, why is exercising important to me? It's reframing it into, is staying healthy and well important to me? And how will activity help that? So, I think it's, don't look at the activity or the exercise as a means to staying healthy and well. And that sometimes helps people, doesn't it? We know that when people are diagnosed with a significant health diagnosis, medical diagnosis, actually start to become active because it's like, oh crikey, I don't want this happening again, or I want to make sure that I stay healthy. There's a real value in exercising them because of their health. And again, it's the same thing. How important is it to me to be healthy, to stay fit, to stay able to please all the people around me? And is half an hour a day, half an hour every other day worth that? And I think that maybe look at the end game rather than the means to the end. Look at the end rather than the means to the end. Because like I say, it's, is in your case, if it's Achilles, you know, ouchy, but it's, is it important to me to go back to running? Maybe not, but is it important to you to not have pain in your life? Yes. And it's looking at things differently. How important is this? How important is that? And I think that's something people don't do. They just think, do I want to exercise? Now I can't be bothered. But do I want to have energy, be fit and healthy, stay fit and healthy for as long as possible? Yeah, then it's worth it. So, it's reframing, isn't it?

Charlotte Lawson (18:56.157)

Yeah, do I want to still be able to have the energy when I'm a grandparent to be able to run around after my grandchildren after the beach? It's those longer-term questions, isn't it?

Sarah (19:06.634)

Yeah, because trust me, toddlers run fast. They might be small, but they're fast. And as a grandparent, you've got to be able to keep up. But it's, I mean, there may be all sorts of different things. And this is the thing, isn't it? It's getting that why. It's getting that, I don't shout at my kids enough. I'm not saying anybody ever shouts at their kids, but maybe you might say, do you know what? When I've been for a run, when I've been to the gym, whenever, I don't snap as much.  I laugh more, I feel better, I've got more energy. And you know, if you start to notice these little things, then they start to become important, don't they? And then it's like, right, I'm not in the mood today, but I know I'll feel better. So, I'm going to go and do it. Yeah.

And it's, I know lots of people who, I've never met anybody, should I say, who's gone to do some sort of activity and regretted it afterwards and thought, I wish I hadn't gone for that, I wish I hadn't gone for that walk. But I know loads of people who regret not going, I wish I'd gone for that run yesterday because I know I'd have felt better. And that's the thing, isn't it? Once you get into the habit of it, you really start to feel the benefits.

Charlotte Lawson (20:22.849)

Yeah, and one way that we can start thinking about making it a habit, I think, is to start thinking small. So, like, you've set that appointment, I'm going to do this then. But the appointment, you can give yourself, you know, like, an hour's worth of time, but the appointment could just be a commitment to, I'm just going to do five minutes. So, I'm going to do five minutes of a strength workout at home. I'm going to do five minutes of a walk. And actually, what you'll probably find is, and I've found this myself, once you start, you're like, oh, that five minutes went fast. And then you just keep going. And before you know it, you've done like half an hour, 45 minutes, a full workout. So just set the expectations very, very low to start with, to make it really easy so that you can go, well, yeah, I can do five minutes.  And then if you stop after five minutes, that's fine. So, all you've said to yourself is you're going to do five minutes, but most of the time, you'll probably carry on. And then that's far better than saying, oh, I'll do an hour, but then going, oh, I don't have the energy, can't be bothered. And, you know, then you don't do it. An hour seems a much longer period of time than five minutes. So, while you're building that habit, just think, right, I'm just going to do five minutes. Start small.

Sarah (21:21.375)

Yeah, you know taking the pressure off yourself is you know, if you think right, I'm really busy and just set yourself 15 minutes, but create an appointment time. So, it's like at this time I'll do 15 minutes and if you do 20 if you do 30 or more brilliant, I've noticed since I changed the goals on my watch. Since I was ill and I knew, I wasn't going to meet them, so I put them right down, because I still had to meet my goals, so I reduced them right down. But actually, I've never pushed them back up again, because it took a lot of pressure off me. And most days, I hit more than the original ones were, but there's no pressure on me to do it, because the targets are low, so as long as I've met my minimum, I'm okay. Everything else, and it usually is, treble everything else is a bonus but because I've taken that pressure off myself I think it means that I'm more likely to go and do something for fun rather than to meet a target and for me again as I say that was something that helped me was lowering my targets, lowering my expectations but also getting back to enjoying things, getting back to go for a walk not briskly or for fitness or anything but just to enjoy a  bit of nice weather or the snowdrops coming out or things. And I think, again, don't you think if we can start with something we enjoy, that has the knock-on effect of making you want to do it?

Charlotte Lawson (23:08.228)

Yeah, definitely, and that is going to be different for everybody isn't it? So just think about what is it that you enjoy and how can you get more of that in your life. So, like you say don't think right I'm going to go for a 30-minute power walk. Think I'm going to go for a walk and see what new flowers are coming out. Like I love that this time of year like you say like the snowdrops coming out like oh what other flowers are coming out. And using all your senses. That's one of the things I used to do on a bike ride. I used to live in the Lake District, so it's hilly and I did a lot of cycling and when it was really hard going up some really big hills, I would be like right what can I see, what can I hear, like so it completely like use your different senses to take your mind off it when it's hard but that's a slightly different conversation.

Sarah (24:09.554)

Or yeah, well, yes, actually, that's but also that's a really good one, isn't it? But, you know, listen to a podcast, listen to a meditation, listen to an audiobook, things like that, because actually often you'll want to carry on. I was listening to an audiobook, and I'd find myself walking a bit longer because I wanted to get to the end of the chapter or something. So, I'd say, oh, it's only another 10 minutes. I'll just carry on walking and quite often that would spur me on in a way that just going for a walk didn't. If I wasn't in the mood, doing something like that would keep me going. And it meant I caught up on my reading and a lot of the stuff I listened to on those sorts of things is self-development, which is always, again, it was a double whammy of my self-care was not just my activity, but it was kind of my self-development, my mindset, and things like that. So, I got two for the price of one. So that's another thing I think women, not just women, but other busy people don't prioritise, is that personal development? And I'm a huge believer that we spend a lot of time, a lot of emphasis, a lot of money on professional development, but we sometimes forget about that personal development, don't we? And this way could be, could be, you know, as I say, you could go and do some activity, listen to something, and get both in and just, you know, just a little bit more and I'll just listen to that. And you start to look forward to it. Oh, I'm looking forward to my run because I can listen to this and stuff like that. And do you think that another way of looking at it is it's kind of it's an efficient use of time?

Charlotte Lawson (25:25.158)

Yeah, definitely, because if you think like, when are you going to also fit in listening to that audiobook? Well, you've just killed two birds with one stone. Or you could think like, oh, how am I going to socialize with my friends? You think, well, let's go for a walk together. And then you've had that connection time. And you've got some exercise done because you've gone for a walk together. So, yeah, thinking about how you can make it the most efficient use of your time.

I think that's great. And if audiobooks are something you enjoy and keep you walking an extra 10 minutes, then brilliant.

Sarah (26:28.406)

But also, you don't have to be face to face with your friends to go for a walk. You could get on a WhatsApp call or something and chat as you're walking and you're both together, but, you know, again, it's an efficient use of time, you're getting your activity and you're having a chat with a friend. So, something like that could work as well. And it's but it's getting it's getting started, isn't it? That's the hard thing, particularly if you are very much a people pleaser and you put yourself last because everything else is a priority. And it's you know what it's really easy to do when you're busy. It's really easy. How can we, anyone out there listening who says, yeah, but, and that's the big one, isn't it? When people say, oh yes, but. Typical people, please, who's kind of thinking, I just, I don't even know how to start prioritizing myself and my activity. What would you say to them?

Charlotte Lawson (27:22.881)

So, the first thing I would say is to bring it right back to your values, so what's important to you. So if you value your health and you want to be around for the long term and you want to be able to help the other people in your life over a long period and stay well and health is important to you, then you already have a reason to prioritize that activity, that exercise, whatever it is that you're choosing to do because it helps you connect with that why and with your values. So, it's not just saying, oh, this is just for me. This is selfish. This is saying, no, actually, I know why I'm doing that. I'm doing that because it helps me stay well so that I can keep helping other people because helping other people is important to me, but I've got to be well to do that. So, bringing it back to what's important to me, why am I choosing to do this, I think is really key.  Take that the first step and then thinking about the thoughts that come up around the people pleasing that always putting other people first like and the reasons that you're not prioritizing yourself and prioritizing activity and noticing the thoughts that are coming up like this is selfish or I don't have time or whatever those thoughts are i think right how can i reframe those what's the opposite of that thought, what's a more realistic middle ground, what is going to help me best to do this activity because I already know that it's important to me. So, when those thoughts come up again, we can go, oh yeah, thanks for coming up thought, we've thought about this remember and this new thought is going to help me more so I'm choosing to think this different thought and so rather than thinking, oh it's really selfish of me, or I feel really guilty doing this. It's reframing that and reminding yourself, actually I want to be here helping people over a long period of time. So, choosing to exercise now is going to mean that I can help people over a long period because I'm going to be staying well for them. So, let's reframe that too. Me doing this exercise is helping other people, right I'm going to put my trainers and go. So, think about what's important reframing those thoughts that come up and then starting really small so if doing an hour's workout is too much time out for you like we said before just do five minutes just 15 minutes make a start

Sarah (30:10.646)

It sounds like start with your mindset, start with your why, start with this is why it's so important to me. So, you don't even have to leave the house at this point or do anything. You just start with what, even if you spend five minutes or 10 minutes thinking, these are the reasons why it's important for me. These are the benefits it will have for other people if I do this. And then, you know, and then go for five minutes, 10 minutes and gradually increase it up to the point that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be an hour, if it's 20 minutes, half an hour of quality activity, that's absolutely brilliant. But yeah, don't think I'm just going to do it. Give yourself a list of why it's important for you and everyone around you. Because I think that you'll get used to thinking that way, won't you? You think, no, I need to go because it has benefits for everybody you know. Like I said you don't even have to start with the run or the walk or the gym or whatever, just start with the thoughts. Do you think it helps to write them down?

Charlotte Lawson (31:16.69)

Yeah, it can help I think especially some people and journaling on it so every morning I used to do a little journal and one of the things I would do is put like a little affirmation so one of the affirmations I used for a long time was today I am making healthy choices for me and then that would really start my day well because then the rest of the day if I was thinking like oh should I bother doing this exercise or oh I really want to eat that chocolate bar I would bring it back to that affirmation that I'd set when I was journaling in the morning of today I'm making healthy choices for me and then it just gets your brain thinking oh actually no I'm not going to eat that chocolate bar and I am going to go and do my exercise. So yes, I think writing it down can really help. I think something else that really helps is looking back, so once you've made a start, look back on the week that you've had and celebrate the fact that you've done it, no matter how little or much you've done, just celebrate the fact that you've done it because it's more than what you were doing when you were doing nothing and actually okay so you might not yet be running 10k if that's your goal but you've run three times this week or you've done a walk run three times this week and that's loads more than you were doing three weeks ago when you didn't do anything so just celebrate the fact that actually you have started you are doing something and congratulate yourself for it because I think those little strokes help our mindset as well because the better we feel about ourselves, the more likely we are to do the good things that support us. And if we're just constantly telling ourselves like, oh I'm still not there yet, I'm still so far away, I'm not improving as fast as I want, then you're going to feel rubbish, you're not going to feel inspired and motivated to actually do it, but if you can go, oh go me, I went out in the rain last week and I would never have done that before, you know, like just celebrate the small things that you actually are doing and focus on that, you're going to feel better and when you feel better, you're going to actually do more.

Sarah (33:24.202)

That's so important, isn't it? We tend to celebrate the big things. We don't celebrate the fact that, you know, do you know what? I really wasn't in the mood and even when I went out, I wasn't in the mood, but I went out or it might be, you know, I wanted the chocolate bar and more than I wanted to exercise, but I went exercising and I had half the chocolate bar, but at least I've gone exercising. Celebrate the fact that you only had half of the chocolate bar rather than the whole thing, but you also exercised. It's small things like that. I think sometimes because that starts to build your confidence in that I can do this, I am doing this, it starts to make you feel I'm doing more than I was, this is okay this is good and we forget sometimes we wait you know we celebrate the 10k or the marathon we don't celebrate the first time we went out running and had to give up after five minutes because we were gasping it's like but I did it I went out , like you say, I went out in the rain, you know, look at every day, pick something tiny that you did that's an achievement. Doesn't have to be the big stuff, does it?

Charlotte Lawson (34:28.928)

No, and actually what keeps us going is recognising that we are doing the small stuff, we are doing, because the hardest thing is showing up day in day out at the start before it's a habit because once it's a habit it's really easy and at the start we expect that we'll feel motivated all the time and it's just not true, you have to actually just do it because you feel better, the motivation comes from doing it and it becomes easier the more you make it a habit.

Sarah (34:45.921)

I always say that motivation isn't something you start with, it's something you develop as you go along and one of the biggest motivators is noticing those small little achievements along the way. That I, oh gosh, I ran to the end of the road, whereas before I could only jog to the end of the road and back again, or I actually could, I could breathe properly for half of my run. You know the small things matter. We're talking about running here just because it's easier, but it could be anything. It could be yoga, it could be stretching, it could be anything at all, but it is it celebrate the small, notice the small stuff and celebrate it and that's what's going to start to build your motivation, build your confidence and as I say fill your oxygen tank up so that you've got plenty for everybody else. You'll have more as taking some time for you creates more for everybody else because it's quality, isn't it?

Charlotte Lawson (35:55.245)

Yeah. Yeah, and I think if you're not doing it and you're feeling rubbish, then you're probably more likely to be taking part in behaviours that maybe don't support you to be the person that you want to be and show up as the person that you want to be. So maybe, sorry, if you don't do that exercise or activity that you planned you're going to like dwell on the fact that your energy's low and you're feeling rubbish and so then you might turn on telly and watch Netflix and then before you know it like it started the next episode and then the next episode then you're late to bed and then you're feeling grumpy the next morning and you're not being the person that you want to be because actually, you've just got yourself into that negative mindset so it's so helpful for everybody when we actually put ourselves first and say no this is important and I'm going to do this for me and you feel better for doing it.

Sarah (36:50.006)

The more you realise how much benefit it has for other people around you as well. It's really good. Charlotte, this has been so interesting, and I just think it's something that hopefully a lot of people will recognise themselves as people pleasers. I haven't got time for that for me and that would be a bit selfish. It's not selfish, it's self-care, it's self-compassion, it's self-growth in a way is recognising that you have just as much priority for you as you know for other people.

Tell us a little bit then about where we can find you if people want to find out more about what you do.

Charlotte Lawson (37:24.733)

So, I would love people to come and find me and join my free Facebook group. So, I've got a Facebook group called Draw the Line and in there, so it's completely free. I put content out daily or at least most days. I do some free mini trainings in there and the topics are all about some managing stress, boundaries, mindset, self-care, and it's all about helping you to actually get yourself off the bottom of that priority list. So, we touch on lots of different topics and loads of really valuable completely free support in there. So that is facebook.com slash groups slash draw the line here but we can give you the links anyway Sarah, can't we?

Sarah (38:06.274)

I'll put the links in the podcast. Yeah, definitely. But draw the line here because that's sometimes what we need to do is put ourselves above the line rather than below it. Brilliant. Other links, if people want to find you in other places, I'll make sure all your links, you know, for Instagram and coaching your website and are all in the podcast. But Charlotte, thank you so much for coming in to talk about how important it is that we prioritise ourselves as well as everybody else, possibly more so. So, thank you very much. You've been listening to me, Sarah Bolitho, on Creating Active Lives with my guest this week Charlotte Lawson, who has talked to us all about making sure that we put our own oxygen masks on first. Thank you so much for coming along.

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